Believe before you understand

When I was starting to get into religion I was told that those things I don't understand would become clear once I believed. I would be touched by the Holy Spirit and then get it. Part of that was not to read anything contrary to belief because I might lose my soul. I spent many, many years studying the word of God constantly wrestling with my doubt and "evil" nature.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

In Christianity I had to suspend my disbelief otherwise I would be damned.

Now all that is behind me because of the effort to continue to hold that facade was unbearable. I came to believe God, if he existed, would prefer honesty.

Giving up the faith and looking at science I started to understand first without guilt and then belief arrived when I was ready. It seems far more of a authentic way to live. I can maintain my personal honesty. I can accept something and then upon further study change my opinion. It is true as I was told if you think outside of the God box, you will loose your religion but the difference it is well worth it.