Jesus Is ...

A website, created by the City Church in Kirkland, WA is Jesus' facebook but since he is busy we get to say what he is. I found it entertaining to add a bunch of them as well as read other peoples statements. Here is a sampling.

JESUS IS

• the one who healed me after I got shot by police in a bank robbery
• nailed to a cross. My God has a hammer. Any questions?
• loving the people who are saying mean things on this site
• loving atheist too - mmm, deep fried atheist
• is late (matthew 24:34)
• wondering why you worship him as a caucasian
• so I don't have to think
• the one who loves even the people that post horrible things
• the only reason I am porn and drug free
• letting me "choose" him the way my mugger lets me choose to give him my wallet
• a common side effect of bad parenting
• is an extraordinary claim lacking ordinary evidence
• dead for somebody's sins, but not mine
• not coming back until Favre retires for good
• not real, but his fan club is real and dangerous
• teaching kids that it is okay to benefit from someone's murder
• less effective than planned parenthood when it comes to preventing abortion
• getting all of the credit and none of the blame. It's a pretty sweet deal
• not sure what to do. any suggestions?
• a gardener not allowed to work in Arizona
• wondering why the churches have all your money
• not love...love is love and doesn't need any useless baggage
• not there, but atheist are, and we love you
• what keeps the poor from killing the rich
• at war with Thor
• delayed because of bad weather
• an infection. Reason is the cure
• Mithras for girly men
• rolling over in his grave
• never going to be able to wash the blood from his hands
• proof that Joseph was the most gullible man in history
• "the most scientific man who ever trod the globe" - Mary Baker Eddy
• is very upset that you are an atheist
• blessing the cheesemakers
• Santa Claus for adults
• fighting OCD
• dressing up as Satan for Halloween
• Apollonius of Tyana
• the originator of the Stockholm syndrome
• not the reason for the season, that would be the axial tilt of the earth
• pro global warming
• glad he only had to give up a weekend for you
• going to hunt you down & kill you if you don't believe in him
• the son of two fathers; so why can't my gad Dad's marry?
• someone who cured a leper but couldn't be bothered curing the disease
• whatever your weak mind needs
• the sound Christians start making when they know they've lost the argument
• what I say when I stub my toe
• a cyborg from the 52nd century sent back to cause humanity to destroy itself
• not persecuted. Persecution is being burned alive for not accepting dogma.
• wasting your only life, waiting for another one
• never not enough & always more than enough
• a nice idea, poorly expressed
• thinking it would have been simpler just to forgive people
• the one who will provide me with billions to give!
• my inner abusive parent who loves me